This is baby Anna Kate in 2010.  This is how Anna Kate and Mommy feel about her impending commitment to start kindergarten on Monday.  Wednesday night as I was brushing her hair, out of no where, she turned around and dive bombed into me with the tightest hug.  Then, (break my heart) she started sobbing.  I asked her what was wrong and she said, “Do I have have HAVE to go to kindergarten?”  My stomach was in my throat.  I could not answer, so I just hugged her back as tightly as she first hugged me.  All I could do was call for Mike for his words of wisdom because the lump wouldn’t leave my throat.  Have I ever mentioned he’s awesome!?!  He talked her gently through her feelings, validating them every step of the way.  He told stories of his first days of school and how he felt, and comforted her that her feelings were very normal and even the bravest people are scared of new things.  Then he told her exactly how meet the teacher and drop-off will go.  She asked lots of questions, and I could tell she was processing how it will all play out.  Bless her little heart.  She is my most timid child in new situations.  Once she feels comfortable, she is all out like the others, but it has to be on her terms.  And the have have HAVE to first day is coming up way too quickly for our cutie.  This go around is a little different for us than when Noelle went to kindergarten.  Noelle wanted to go.  Deep down, Anna Kate knows she has to go, but she truly does not want to… yet.  She is experiencing real emotions, real anxiety, real stress.  Keep her little heart in your prayers for us.

I will be fine as long as she doesn’t cry.  Then I’ll fall apart.  No… I won’t.  We moms are strong for our kids.  We can’t fall apart.  And holding it in feels even worse than letting it all out.  I’m not going to lie.  Monday will not be easy.  It always seemed silly to me that moms got all mushy gushy about kindergarten.  I didn’t get it.  I hadn’t been there.  I couldn’t relate.  Now I can.  It’s not about going to school.  Of course, she will thrive and do great!  It’s about the end of one of the sweetest chapters we’ll ever know or experience in this lifetime as humans.  My baby is growing up.  Our goal as parents, is to raise our children to be self-sufficient and independent.  However, as we count our successes to reach that goal with each passing year, we realize that time is flying by and they are growing up before our very eyes.  I’m so proud of Anna Kate, and it’s been my honor to have her by my side for the past 5 1/2 years.  I’m going to miss her more than words.  She is such a great kid.

*Just for the record, I cried like a baby the entire day of Noelle’s first day of kindergarten.  My heart was beating so fast as the bus pulled up with my first baby in it.  I literally ran to the door of the bus to grab her off at the end of that first day.  It was impossible for me, but she was absolutely as happy as a lark.  That helped.  It took me about a month to truly be okay with my little girl going off to big kid school.  1st and 2nd grade first days of school were just fine.  Exciting, fun, no big deal.  It’s just the end of that toddler chapter I was talking about that hurts my heart.  I’m treasuring each moment and taking it all in in its entirety.  Life is so beautiful.  We are, as Noelle says, “Lucky ducks!”